Whole
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Banjo-Kazooie is the name of the game after all...


"Congrats on the money," said Mumbo as he admired Banjo and Kazooie's brand new solid gold mansion.

Banjo chuckled. "It was quite the win."

"I didn't expect this lamebrain to be so lucky when it came to slots," Kazooie said, pointing to her bear comrade.

"Well, you did good spending all the money. Now what you buy?" asked Mumbo.

Banjo sat down at the table, pulled a leg off the succulent roast before them, and sunk his teeth into the indescribable goodness.

Kazooie and Mumbo watched in awe as Banjo neatly devoured the entire turkey in less than a minute.

Banjo wiped his face with a golden napkin and then stuck it in. It disappeared.

"Good gravy!" cried Kazooie.

"It's time to revive chaos…" Banjo hummed as he darted a hand out and grabbed his Breegull buddie by the neck.

Mumbo gasped. "What doing, Bear and Bird?"

"Something that should have been done… a long time ago…" Banjo then took Kazooie and instead of the backpack, he placed her in his right ear canal. Kazooie's feet came out of each of Banjo's nostrils and her wings burst out from his left ear and mouth.

"What witchcraft is this?" pondered Kazooie as she took the mucus between her toes as a sign of heroism and excellence.

"We are whole," Banjo said with deep bear angst. "They always referred to us as Banjo _and_ Kazooie. However, the game has a hyphen. We are finally Banjo-Kazooie…"

Mumbo knelt before the conjoined entity. "My allegiance is pledged to thee, Master."

Kazooie smiled, she could get used to her new form. "Come, let us rain grenades upon Goggle Boy's head."

"Aye," concurred Banjo. And with that, the being flew off to Spiral Mountain.

Banjo-Kazooie landed upon Bottle's mole hill. Banjo lifted the trapped door and dropped grenades like a solid block of hatred and anarchy.

Bottles heard the noise and emerged. "Why?" he said in horror as the wings encapsulated his round rump.

"I deserve to eat this…" Kazooie said. She then ate all of the mole from the bottom up. Her neck was now in the shape of Bottles due to her inability to swallow properly. I'll write a fanfic about that too someday…

"What now, Kazooie?" said Banjo as he sealed the mole hill with a dark brown egg.

Kazooie smiled and flew up to Grunty's castle. Banjo-Kazooie entered the lab and found Grunty, Dingpot, and Klungo playing backgammon.

"Consider this…" said Kazooie, she then shot Bottles out of her throat and hit Dingpot in the toe.

Dingpot died later that night and Grunty and Klungo wept bitterly for him.

"Golly, Kazooie," said Banjo as he perched on the red Jinjo house. "Shall we disrupt the economy with our intense passion?"

"Indeed we shall, my partner…" Kazooie replied as she flew off to Jolly Roger Bay.

Banjo-Kazooie found Jolly and Lord Woo Fak Fak singing "Jessie's Girl" on karaoke night. Banjo revealed the plasma from his shorts pocket. The two singers gasped.

"Today is a good day to feel my wrath…" rasped Banjo as he pulled the trigger and ended Lord Woo Fak Fak's blister's for good.

"Let us win the hearts of millions, Banjo…" said Kazooie with her beak of wonders.

The being flew to Witchy World and entered Conga's Big Top.

"What up, my homedawgs?" said Mr. Patch as he flipped his award-winning pancakes.

"Mr. Patch, this is all your fault…" said Banjo-Kazooie in unison with itself. The entity had achieved oneness.

Mr. Patch gasped and then felt his toes disintegrate as Banjo-Kazooie used its laser vision to melt him to nothingness.

Conga ran in and threw his oranges at the terror. Banjo-Kazooie retaliated with a bowl of nachos. The stinkin' orange American cheese (which is gross) was an impenetrable force that defeated Conga on the spot. Banjo-Kazooie slinked over and sucked Conga's soul out from underneath his toenails.

Life was good.

"But what do we do next?" mused Banjo-Kazooie. "We must return to the mansion…"

Banjo-Kazooie flew back to the mansion where they found Mumbo dusting the doilies. The walked up to him, snapped him in two, and sold him on ebay.

"Me am in two pieces, Bear and Bird!" cried Mumbo as he struggled to put himself back together.

"We are not Bear and Bird, we are one," said Banjo-Kazooie as they formatted a jpg in order to get a fabulous grade on their science report.

The science report was an academic breakthrough. So much so that Albert Einstein rose from the grave and awarded Banjo-Kazooie a gold star.

With the newly received star, Banjo-Kazooie flew into outer space and created their own galaxy. They didn't invite Captain Blubber because everyone hated him.

Then on February 6, Banjo-Kazooie gave birth.

A new universe-worth of similar Banjo-Kazooie entities entered the realm of the living. Thus it is written…

 **FIN**

 **But is the story ever truly over or are we still experiencing its aftereffects as of this very moment?**


End file.
